


I quit

by Anonymous



Category: None - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: My poem of lifeSorry if you ever find the horror of finding thisSorry you have to read my corrupted thoughts
Collections: Anonymous





	I quit

I quit  
I quit trying to please mom and dad  
They are forcing me to stay awake  
I can’t do it  
I can’t stay awake I’m tired I’m exhausted  
I can’t do this anymore  
I physically can’t do this anymore  
Yet they keep me awake and I can’t do it anymore!  
I just wanna die!  
They say they are doing it for my own good but it’s hard.  
It’s so hard to stay awake!  
I just want to fall asleep again.  
I’m scared.  
I’m scared I won’t be able to get any sleep tonight  
It won’t even be my fault!  
My stupid paranoid brain will keep me awake and I won’t fall asleep.  
I can’t sleep during the night because I’m scared of the dark.  
My mind puts layers upon layers of fear and doubt in my brain at night.  
The only time I can sleep is during the day because it feels safe during the day.  
In the day the monsters of the night that haunt my thoughts can’t get me.  
During the day it’s so much easier to say okay I’m safe and drift off peacefully.  
During the day I’m not afraid.  
At night though...  
At night everything is dark I can only so little and in the darkness my imagination starts going haywire.  
At night the shadows speak to me.  
scaring me.  
threatening me.  
At night the darkest memories arise in my brain and my fear only rises more.  
I’m so tired  
I might sleep here  
They won’t know  
Never have I been more afraid to fall asleep than I am now.  
It’s okay they said stay downstairs.  
I’m downstairs  
They said stay awake  
I’m awake  
But I have a blanket covering me  
They can’t tell if I’m awake or not right now  
What if I fell asleep again  
What if I just let myself relax  
I’m sure I won’t get in trouble again...  
Will I?  
What if I get in trouble again?  
I don’t want to get in trouble for sleeping!  
I just want some sleep!  
I just want some sleep.  
I just want some sleep...  
Please can I have some sleep!  
I hate how they do this!  
They comfort me but they can’t see that I’m in pain!  
That I physically can’t stay up any longer!!!!  
I’m so tired...  
I’m so tired.  
I am so freaking tired...  
I can’t bare to even look at my parents anymore.  
They betrayed me  
They denied me the one thing I needed to keep going and I can’t do it anymore  
So that’s it  
They don’t get to see my face.  
I don’t even want to see theirs  
And you know what she said  
You know what my mom said  
She said and I quote  
“you did this to yourself”  
She is putting all the blame on me!  
How could she!  
I thought that the last time I was going to rant about my mom was two years ago  
But then this happened  
She did it again  
For some odd reason she always seems to make me want to kill myself  
I’m okay with that though  
She doesn’t know that  
She would be devastated if she knew that  
That she is the reason for my dislike for life  
The reason I want to end my life!  
It’s okay though  
She doesn’t know  
She is trying to get me to be better  
To try harder  
To not be a failure at life  
But it doesn’t matter  
I don’t care  
She can’t make me care  
She doesn’t know how to make me care  
I don’t care.  
And I never will  
That’s what’s wrong with me!  
I don’t care!  
And I never will!  
It’s okay though  
I’m always okay  
Because if I’m not okay  
I’m good as dead  
And who wants that?  
I pray to God that the answer is no one...

I understand if someone would want me dead.  
I’m nothing special.  
I got no talents.  
I’m a nobody.  
I can’t do a single thing right in my life.  
She kills me though... my mom  
I can’t help but feel bitter sweet about the whole situation  
I am content with knowing that I am utter human garbage and it is freaking amazing  
I might be insane but I don’t care because no one else around cares  
So what’s the difference  
Why not be happy with what I have  
People say try you’re best at life  
Be you’re kindest  
Don’t let anyone bring you down  
But  
I’m already at rock bottom  
What’s wrong with saying I’m content down here  
In the muck  
In the worst of the worst  
Not living life to the fullest but just playing it day by day  
Why’s that so wrong?  
I’m always some sort of stable at the end of the day.  
Even if it is just for a moment  
I am content with being yelled at for not staying awake  
I am content with getting less then an hour of sleep when I haven’t slept in 24 hours.  
Nothing is wrong with that.  
I can’t change the world,  
I tried  
Trust me I tried  
But all my efforts seemed to be flushed down the drain  
I guess I’m not the type of person who is good at staying alive and thriving  
I’m barely staying alive...  
How do you except me to thrive?  
That’s okay though.  
That is why I’m content at the bottom.  
Things might get worse, yes.  
But at least I’m not falling that far.  
Then the bad things don’t seem that bad after all.  
At least I’m still trying to stay alive.


End file.
